Today has been a lousy
day...perhaps the worst of the year so far. Between
people losing their jobs, clients going haywire,
businesses closing down, unexpected pregnancies and
the anniversary of Sept 11th, the BFCE has had a lot
to deal with. It'll all work out, eventually.
But there is one bright
spot of news in an otherwise dreadful day...news that,
even if it is not true, is so delicious that just the
thought of it makes me giggle in anticipation...News
that, if it is true, could change the future of
thousands, if not millions, of people across this
great land of ours.
The news of which I speak?
I'm just giddy even thinking about writing it
down...OK, here goes. Allegedly
, Brittney Spears has been hanging out with porn
superstar Jenna Jamison and may be interested in, I
kid you not, making a porn flick!
There. I said it.
Everyone's favorite former virgin is allegedly about
to go pro. And I could not be happier. In fact, sign
me up for the pre-sale list. Because this I just have
to see.
Could you imagine the
publicity this kind of event would get??!! It would be
colossal! Stupendous! It would be the single most
amazing development in the new millennium. Britney,
queen of teen-tease music, moves on to the dim lights
of adult no-tease. I am almost rendered speechless.
Now, some of you might say
that the price for making an adult film will be her
music career. Well guess what? That train is already
pulling into the station. An event of this magnitude,
if planned, managed and merchandised properly, could
provide a healthy income stream for at least the next
50 years.
So, as a public service to
Britney, I thought of a few pros and cons for her to
consider before making this final decision:
PROS
 | Unbelievable publicity
- this stunt would live FOREVER. It's not often that
you get to be first at something. |
| Cash - There are at
least a million knuckleheads who would buy the DVD.
You could charge 50 bucks a pop and it would fly off
the shelves. $99 if you include a money shot. $199 if
you include a money shot, a donkey and/or a midget.
|
| She will instantly
become an acting superstar. |
| She and Jenna (who is
one more 8-ball away from being White Trash
Queen) could eventually move into the same trailer,
somewhere in the South. Maybe near former President
Clinton. Which could then be made into a reality TV
show on the E! network. |
| She could use the
soundtrack from "Crossroads" again.
|
| Playboy ??!! Anyone
can do Playboy! |
| Justin Timberlake will
get a memento of what he missed waiting to take her
virginity. |
| Instead of having a
singer do a "voice over", Britney could have an
actress who did a "lick-over". Because Britney's no
lesbo! |
| One more reason to
show off the fake boobs. |
| "Oops, I Did It Again"
would take on a whole new meaning. If she does any
back door action (the special "director's cut DVD),
someone could change it to "Poops, I did it again..."
- "Baby Hit Me One More Time" will become "Baby Jit Me
One More Time" |
| Daddy can admire what
a fine little lady his Britney has grown into.
|
| She'll pass the
"pornography" qualification necessary to date a member
of the Royal British Family. Marriage, though, is out
of the question (see - "Stark, Koo")
|
| The movie will lead to
a lucrative career in the strip clubs. And she can
play Vegas, forever. |
| ONE MILLION
KNUCKLEHEADS!!! $50 a pop! |
