Why Marriage Fails

There’s an epidemic of divorce in this country. People keep searching for the answer as to why this is happening, Reasons range from lack of religious upbringing all the way to Brittney Spears setting a bad example for the kids who adore her so. And people are glossing over the fact that our society encourages that we do better than our parents. Since many young couples today are themselves children of divorce, it’s only natural that they would want to double or triple dad’s output.

There’s a plethora of people bleating out their reasons why marriages seemed doomed to failure. Of course, whenever there’s an opinion to be rendered, it’s the time for The BFCE to make an appearance. And in this case, we’re well armed to toss another Molotov onto the fire of inane commentary.

People get divorced a lot more than they used to. And the reason is simple. School. The more you force people to go to school, the more things will break apart.

Before all you (divorced) educators get your undies in a twist, or before the Holier Than Thou crowd springs a woody about the evils of secular education, understand that it’s not the education system that causes divorce. It’s school itself. Because the things that make you successful in school are exactly the things that will result in giving up half your stuff at some point in the future…Here’s why -

School rewards you for being more correct than your classmates. In marriage, you have one classmate. And continually trying to (a) intellectually one-up them or (b) reminding them of how stupid they are is a leading indicator or marital discord. Everybody loves it when the smartest kid in class gets his…and nothing spells comeuppance like a-l-i-m-o-n-y.

In school, every day is a “me against the world” competition – no points for cooperation. In marriage, you better cooperate. Or else.

In school, you can sample lots of different classes – In marriage, one class…for life. If you should happen to take another class – so matter how casual or meaningless, it’s time to get your lawyer warmed up in the pen. And begin saying goodbye to all your treasured possessions.

The school day has a time limit, after which you’re free to do as you please. Arguments have no time limits. And there’s no doing as you please, thank you.

In school, everyone hates you if you talk a lot of smack and then let a goon fight your battles. Exactly the opposite of what happens with lawyers.

In school, disputes can be resolved in a variety of ways, including going to the principal. In marriage, this course of action will show you exactly how much your in-laws really don’t like you.

School has a report card that tells you how you did. In marriage, the only person who give you a report card is a therapist. And by then, you’re probably failing.

School has physical education, every day. In marriage, people keep using the physical education they learned in the back seat of a car.

Teachers are generally clear about what they want and expect. Spouses, not so much.

At school, it’s acceptable to punch a bully in the nose.

If you’re really smart in school, they give you prizes and call you really intelligent names like “valedictorian”. In marriage, the name-calling is much more low brow.

It’s acceptable to ride a bus to school. If you’re married and still riding the bus, it’s not a good sign.

If you flunk out of school, you won’t lose half your stuff

The school year is long. To make sure you don’t completely lose your mind, you get two months off to recharge your batteries and get excited about school again. In fact, people who have to go to school all year round either haven’t shown up enough during the school year or just really suck at school. Remember this the next time you think “If I have to look at you one more minute…”

Most schooling runs –at max – for 20 years. And by that time, you really, really, really want to leave school.

Some of the best schools make the kids dress up in uniforms. So do some of the best marriages.

So if we do all the things that make us successful in school, seeing a divorce attorney is as predictable as a minority actor dying within 10 minutes of being seen on screen – you just KNOW it’s going to happen.

Stop letting the educational system ruin marriage! Either make the school year 12 months long, or let everyone have the summers off from marriage in order to study something different.

Sounds like a good plan.