Back when the BFCE used to be sensitive, the thought was that strip joints were simply the first stage of a long descent into darkness and depravity (AKA - the road to Van Nuys). The BFCE felt sorry for these young ladies and refused to partake in the general merriment offered by these "clothing limited" establishments.

All of that changed with the advent of "G-String Divas" on HBO. Suddenly, it was clear that, while it may still be the road to ruin, it was a road paved with the one thing the BFCE can truly appreciate - CASH! In the right setting, these "victims" can make more money than the BFCE has seen in multiple years on the comedy circuit.

So into the strip joints we go...surprisingly, there's quite a lot to see. In addition to nudity, that is.

Let's face it. Men dig strip joints. The question is, why? It's not just the nudity - after a while, everyone being de-clothed just seems a bit passé. It's like beer, after the first few, taste is just not as important as MORE. You need to focus on other things to "grok the fullness of the nudity experience".

As yet another public service of the BFCE, we'll attempt to list some of the more salient reasons (OK, three) that men love strip joints so much.

#1 - Nudity. Just not yours - It's one thing to see a cutie in the buff. It's quite another to enjoy that sensation while fully clothed. It's like a date where everything goes perfectly - the ultimately successful date. She's naked and dancing. You're not. Then you, having spent enough cash to let everyone know you're a player to be reckoned with, walk out. Like tossing up 25 points at halftime, then deciding that you just don't need the game any more. Powerful stuff. Legends are made with less.

This might seem like a bad thing. It's not. Because while having a naked woman around might cause a problem, it's much more explainable if you're clothed and have not actually touched her. Just because she's showing her garden doesn't mean that she's interested in your power tool - unlike dudes, where the tent pole is a dead give-away. If, for example, your wife or significant other walked into your office and your assistant was grinding away to "Girls, Girls, Girls", you might actually get away with it by saying something as stupid as "I don't know what happened - I thought it was aerobics" The problems don't really start until you're both in your birthday suits- behavior leading directly to divorce court.

The walk-away is especially great if you've got a bad body - there's no "Oh my god, it's a bear!" look of fear to deal with.

#2 - Quality Footwear and Clothing - If there's one thing that's truly obscene in a strip joint, it's the CFM spiked heels. Watching a 5 foot woman traipse around in 6 inch heels straddles the line between tragedy and comedy. If you don't' know what CFM means, simply ask any shoe salesperson. Especially the female ones - they love that question.

The spiked heel is, without a doubt, the one measure of consistency that you'll see in any strip joint across America. While the models come in all sort of shapes, sizes and personality disorders, the footwear can always be counted on to be incredibly steep. You know that really steep street in San Francisco - Lombard Street? It's the strip joint high heel of roads.

The other piece of clothing to watch is the "come out" clothing. It's the piece that's worn when first strutting on the stage, only to be cast aside like virginity at a fraternity party.. It's really incredible stuff. One performer had a dress that, except for unsuccessfully hiding  both breasts, ran completely down one side of her body. One side nude, one side clothed. It was like a circus side-show act - "See the Incredibly Half-Nude !" And apparently there's quite the cottage industry in creating these wraps - imagine getting four dresses out of the fabric of one and the economics become clear. Better than an investment in Enron....

#3 - Other Dudes - One of the greatest things about going to a strip joint is seeing all the dudes and knowing that they are thinking one of two things (1) I've got a chance with that one (sorry, you don't) or (2) I'm not as pathetic as that guy (yes you are).

While most of the guys who attend are within the low range of normal, there's always a few that make you feel better about yourself. They include -

The Closet Psycho Killer (AKA, the Schmendrake) - You know this guy from  the IT department at work - white, chubby, quiet, moustache, eerily penetrating gaze. Peels off dollar bills like they were precious jewels. Has the names and personal stories of all the dancers memorized. Thinks that, if he just concentrates hard enough, one of his table dancers will realize what she's missing and offer to throw down with him in the men's room.

The Wack Job (AKA, So Many Drugs, So Little Time) - There's always one in the crowd. Impressively muscular, but not fatally steroidal. Leather vest. Crazy hair (always a give away), often with highlights .Lots of tattoos, with either Satan or the phrase "Born to Lose"  making an appearance. Speaks in quasi-sensical phrases. Has an incredible belief in his own mysticism. Fantasizes about killing everyone in the place, except for the special stripper with the heart of gold who will tame his evil ways.

The Knucklehead (AKA - Wack Job in training) - Usually of college age. Not really used to seeing older women (besides his mom) naked. Thirsts for nudity, but secretly thinks it's dirty. Punishes himself (bad boy, bad boy) while fantasizing about Jennifer Love Hewitt. Has only enough money for two beers and maybe, just maybe, a  table dance. Will often try to get dancers to "go outside" and give him a discount - which is usually as successful as asking the Nordstrom sales girl to sell goods at half price in the alley out back. Often complains that the beer is watered down. Cannot handle said watered-down alcohol, which always ends up being the reason he's pitched out of Eden. Usually while trying to pick a fight with the Schmendrake.

With these three around, everyone can go home feeling superior to someone. Which is, frankly, the real reason men love strip joints.