Hello !
Long
time, no communicado! The BFCE has been rolling
throughout So. Cal, and is preparing to take flight
across the water. But more on that later.
I was
giving blood the other day. Actually, I was giving
platelets. It takes a long time to do this, so they let
you watch a movie. And I noticed something that I'd seen
a million times but never actually noticed before. When
the film first comes up, a message is displayed that is
a complete insult to every person watching the video.
The message says, essentially,” The film has been
modified to fit your television".
Duh. I
was wondering when they were going to roll in the 30
foot screen so I could see the movie the way it was
meant to be viewed. Do I need to be reminded by some
punk cinematographer that I'm fucking with his art form?
Do you think that I really care that it's been modified?
And what's with the letterbox ? I have a 27" TV because
I want 27" of viewing pleasure. If I wanted to see my
movies with 5 inches cut off the top and the bottom, I
would have but a box over my head and cut a slit in it.
Either that or bought a 15" TV and put it all the way
across the room. I glad that Mister
(&^(*&^ Movie-Purity-Censor has his jollies met by the
inclusion of the idiotic letterbox format but, hey - Mr.
Film Studio, I don't give a rat's ass. Just how stupid
to they think we are with that message? Why don't they
finish slapping us in the face by saying things like
"This movie has been modified...Feel free to crinkle
your candy wrappers at any time...If you want to
yell out and warn the characters of danger before it
happens, go ahead...If you have a big head, sit
wherever you like. The people behind you are only
imaginary....Go into your kitchen, make some popcorn,
take $5 from your left pocket and then put it in your
right. Hey, you made a sale! "
Speaking of movies, while I was strapped down with a
needle in each arm, I watched "My Best Friend's
Wedding". It was all I could do to keep from removing
the needles from my veins and jabbing them into my eyes!
What a total piece of crap!!! Here's what the Sandra
Bullock/Julia Roberts/Michelle Pfeiffer/etc. romantic
comedies have been reduced to:
*
Heroine is beautiful but almost certifiably insane. All
aberrant behavior is forgiven because, hey, you'd
still poke her in the shorts if given the chance.
*
Heroine falls down unexpectedly because, as we all know,
hot chicks falling down is such a turn on. Unless you're
naked and holding a knife. In which case it's way too
Bobbit.
*
Quasi-Intelligent heroines are almost freakishly
small-breasted. Like women with big cans can't be
philosophical. They can, it's just not necessary. So why
go there?
*
These neurotic, small-breasted heroines almost always
end up with a really good-looking dude. Which just goes
to show that really good looking dudes are (a) gay
(that's why they talk so well) and (b) gluttons for
punishment. Score one for the average looking dudes!
*
The good looking dudes are almost always (a) journalists
or (b) lawyers. Like how realistic is that? (Q) You know
what they call a good-looking journalist? (A) Anchorman.
